WOW

I had to move, because of mice and men(crazy psycho woman). So I've been moving for the last two weeks. Move complete. Now I get to do it again--because I moved temporarily in with my parents--when I get a new apartment, hopefully in the next week or so. Called the lady today that I filled out an rental application with on Saturday, "hello, mrs. so and so this is Emily, I came to your house on Saturday to fill out an application to rent the apartment at such and such address, and I havn't heard back from you yet...." response: "oh, yes, I havn't done it yet, I'll have to call you back later." Jesus lady, don't you want to rent your GOD DAMN APARTMENT? FUCK! Relationship troubles are on the horizon forefront and background. Have had appointment after appointment. Not to mention the fact that I have a four week old, and a 20 month old on my hands. Lord have fricken MERCY! Every muscle in my body hurts from moving. My hands are raw from cleaning solution and soap--had to wash my hands every five minutes from all the mouse shit flying around. I am behind on homework and should be doing it right now, but needed to vent. Thank God for understanding Technical School teachers. Had some good news the other day. **Ring Ring** Me: "hello?" Receptionist "Hello Emily this is so and so from the veterans benefits office, the other so and so in the office and I were wondering why you havn't been using your benefits?" Me: "oh, well because I'm only part time, I've been part time since spring, I though I had to be full time to get my benefits" Receptionist: "oh, no. You can be half time, you don't have to be full time, you just won't get as much as a full time student." Me: "can you tell me how much I'd get? I need to weigh the fact that it will eat up some of my allotted time against how much I will get and see if there's a benefit" Receptionist "oh, well let me talk to the REAL so and so in the office and I'll get back to you" So there's an appointment made, I'm thinking "bitchin! In a time where I really need money I'm gonna get some! WOOT" WRONG. Get to the appointment. Turns out that even though I didn't recertify my benefits(meaning I didn't sign up for them, because I didn't want them, and if I DO want them I HAVE to sign up for them) the cashiers office sets aside "x" amount of money--in my case about $325--in ANTICIPATION for the military to pay for it. UMMM? So I was told that I could either pay the thousand some odd dollars or I could recertify myself retroactively for the last three semesters, but because I wasn't full time I would get jack. It would all go towards tuition and eat up my time. WATERFALL OF FUCKING TEARS. I was told "oh well its only a thousand some odd dollars, we will put you on a payment plan, cant you just pay it out of your next pell grant blah blah blah" Mother fucker if I had a thousand some odd dollars in my pocket to give you, I'd be smooth fucking sailing. I budget those grants accordingly on how to live. The point of me going to school now is so I DONT owe ANYONE money. What's fucked up is, that I always get like four grand back. But because this money was "set aside" my grants didn't pay for it on my account before they came to me because my account didn't show it owed. MOTHER FUCKERS. JESUS H CHRIST. Anywho, luckily I'm smart enough to remember that I dropped a class in spring and took it in summer, therefore I was actually full time in summer because it's an accelorated(quicker) semester than the rest. Had 7 credits, and only needed 6 to be full time. So retroactively recertified myself for that biznatch. Tuition is about the thousand some odd dollars, and book stipend will take care of the rest...PLUS I'll get the housing stipend= apprx $3000. AND it will eat up the smallest amount of time for me. TAKE THAT WESTERN TECHNICAL COLLEGE CASHIERS OFFICE. BOO YA! but it was uneccessary stress. Like everything else in my life I suppose. The boy, let me tell you, he's a piece of work. My therapist tells me today, wash your hands of him, if he loved you he'd be with you, crazy psycho bitch isn't the issue he is, he condones her behavior by not setting consequences for it. UMM. Maybe I should be a therapist? Because I'm pretty sure I have about 200 emails/chats/texts that say the same God Damn thing. Therapist "you are clearly capable of understanding this, and with some work, you can go far. You're already further than a lot of single mothers your age. You have a lot going for you, you will be happy alone." Lady- I really like you, I don't have to talk, and you know what I'm thinking. But I'm pretty sure that's why I'm sitting on your old couch, because I'm not happy alone. Never been happy alone, that's probably why I always draw the short stick with men. I sent all this stuff to him yesterday about how he's in an domestic abuse relationship. With the exception of the sexual aspect of it, their relationship fit the profile to the TEE. TO THE TEE. I actually laughed reading the stuff. Sad, that I laughed, but I had to. What the hell? I didn't know anything about this part of this guy's life and I fell in love with him. I know I'm a fixer, but damn, I didn't know I could be a fixer, when I was oblivious to anything that needed fixing. Therapist says I need to change the way I think. That the fact that I'm a fixer is the way I think, and I gotta change it to be happy. Not so sure I am really ready, willing, or able at this point in time to change the way I've been thinking my whole life. I kept saying "can't someone just punch him in the fucking face and make him see reality?" She kept saying "that's not your job." DUH or I would have done it already. It's so sick to me, that most people don't know what she does to him, or how she treats him. He won't admit it and he keeps going back to her. Typical abused and abuser relationship. I don't put up with BS. NEVER HAVE. Until now. This is the absolute most BS that I've ever dealt with in my life, and the longest time frame too. My therapist says to me "that can't be true, you must have put up with more BS from BD(baby daddy) #1 and #2, it takes longer than 5 months to have a child." Me: "we should probably schedule another appointment, because no, it doesn't" So I've decided I'm going to write a book. It is to be entitled "How I did It On My Own." It will be an autobiography. Filled with synical(and I hope some-what humerous) anecdotes. We'll see. Life's never easy I suppose. For anyone. I just want something less difficult for like a week or two. It's sad to me that I'm literally counting the days until I go back to work because I'm excited. Life's too choatic on the outside. Let me back in to my wiping asses, and cleaning up puke, pushing people to therapy, and ordering food for them. PLEASE. Oh yea, my manager calls me the other day and asks if I want to go from working 8 hour shifts to 12 hour shifts. HELL YES I DO. 3 more days off per pay period. My day is shot when I work an 8 anyway. You get a second wind anyway. Plus a pay raise. Plus another pay raise in february. Plus a bigger shift differencial. YIPPY ME. Enough ranting for now. Suppose I should at least look at the homework that's due at 10am tomorrow. YUCK. Thought I'd leave you with some pictures of my boys, including the one I am suppose to "wash my hands of" and not punch in the face.