Mother No More.

What kind of person doesn't love their own children? A terrible person. What kind o person allows someone to consume their life enough to forget their children? A stupid persn. What kind of person gives up on everything surrounding them because they let someone beat them into the ground? A weak person.
I am this person.
Giving my mother gaurdianship of my children will not be the most difficult thing I've ever done. It doesn't even make me cry, or sad. Knowing how strong I used to be, and what I've become--weak--is the hardest thing I've ever endured. Knowing I put everything I had to give into a relationship I knew would never work out is the ultimate sign of selfishness.
This is not a "bump" in the road. It's who I've become, who I now am. I won't change my way of thinking. Even if I wanted to, it couldn't be done. This is who I am.
I am this person.
Shameful. Another word to describe me. I hang my head, because I cannot look people in the eye knowing what I've done and who I've become.
Destructive. I've ruined lives, including my own. For selfish reasons. I am poison.
I am this person.
Unsuccessful. I can bullshit my way through school. I can get my ass out of bed to go to work. I cannot successfully raise two children by myself or even with the help of others. I cannot maintain a healthy relationship with anyone.
Addict. I am addicted to the feeling of needing someone else to make me happy. I understand this is unhealthy, but its unchangeable.
I am this person.
Scared. To be alone forever. To fail at all thats in front of me.
Coward. Instead of forging through, I give it all up. Abandon it all. Give it to someone else, and run.
I am this person.
I will always be this person.
I can no longer live as this person.